Friday, April 29, 2011

{This Moment}

{This Moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Inspired By: Amanda Soule

Please feel free to check out April 29, 2011 {Enjoying}

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Mom + Dad = 2 Rocks

May I introduce you to my mom, mother, best friend.

In the past 5 or 6 years while my father was ill, my mom's world became caring for him. In the past couple months our relationship has been rekindled. Do not get me wrong it was never lost, nor what I would call "negative", just different as we were both focused on my father, her husband. Our relationship strengthened through this time without notice, it was just all apart of the journey, and now we are reaping the benefits.

When one door closes, another always opens.

A door opening does not take away any of the pain one receives from a door closing. It brings hope, light, and refreshes ones soul.

My mom and I needed to freshen up our new journey together, we needed to lighten things up a bit. The journey here was hard, strenuous, difficult.
Our family rose to the occasion, endured the tougher times, celebrated the blessings, and strengthened our ties.

We took those ties and loosened them up a bit on a few days away in Palm Springs.

We celebrated the past, present, and future. We basked in what we have today, as many yesterdays made these days so much sweeter.

My mom is my best friend, just as my father is, without one, I would not have the other. They are both my rocks. I leaned more heavily on my father in the past 5 or 6 years, the tides have turned. My mom is whom I pick up the phone and talk to everyday now, she is my go to person, she is my mom, my best friend, and my living rock.

Years ago, I was unable to be there for her. Our relationship was one sided, my mom did a tremendous amount of giving and I taking.

Today there is give and take, it is really quite beautiful.

I look forward to celebrating life's blessings day in and day out with this amazing special woman.


Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A Snippet

I intended to post tonight. I was all set up, a cup of water, my comfy chair, kids sleeping, thoughts in my head swirling around rearing their ugly heads to be spewed out onto the keyboard. And, than Zari woke up, hysterical. I tried, I really really tried to blog, but it is just not happening. The moment has passed, maybe my thoughts, my fingers, and the keyboard will rekindle our love tomorrow. I even had pictures! But, now I shall drown my sorrows in a book and my luscious bed while holding my cranky gal so at least one of us gets a good nights sleep. Good night.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

{Palm Springs} on the Other Blog

Please take a look at my other blog! I am going to continue to share here as well. This blog is going to a bit more sporadic as the posts will be more in depth, the good, the bad, the boring, but accompanied by pics'. The other blog, well that is a place for only the good stuff and I promise a paragraph or less.
Take care and will see you here or there....

Monday, April 11, 2011

We Chose To Leave the Sink Full of Dinner Dishes

Choices present themselves every second.

Tonight, the question was to wash dishes or not?

We opted for not.
Rather than wash, we rode for our first time using our new to us trailer. The girls have been asking for me to give them a ride since we bought it & Zari has specifically requested a ride to the the pork (park) by her chauffeur (aka momma).
They were ready and rearin' to leave before I could gobble down dinner and yet they waited so patiently while I fumbled around trying to get us all situated and safe before heading out on the town.

We made a pit stop for drinkable desserts. Nishan said, "Mom, I know you promised Hot Chocolates, but I really need something refreshing after that long ride." So, we split a smoothie and the gals enjoyed Hot Chocolates.

As they needed to warm up after enjoying the breeze while being chauffeured.

We decided to head over to the beach and ride along the promenade to lengthen our ride before heading home, because we were all having so much fun.

So much so that I was thinking it would be pretty cool to take pictures and ride my bike.

Not only did I get some way FANCY pictures, but I got myself a bent basket trying to save the kids, the camera, and myself.

OK, so the pictures suck, and I made a total ass out of myself, because I crashed to save the kids, the camera, and myself.

My advice is please do not try and ride a bike and take pictures at the same time, unless you use the handy wristlet thingy attached to the camera for moments such as these.

So, I crash purposefully not because I get enjoyment out of it.

My son on the other hand thinks it is the next best thing! He rode speedster style, crashed, walked back up the hill, and did this a good 5 more times.

I prefer to sit, push swinging children, and stare at the beauty of our earth.

Tonight was absolutely beautiful.

Lillitha looked up and said, "Hey momma look, look up there it is a half moon."

I looked up and snapped a few shots..."Time is swift, it races by; Opportunities are born and die...Still you wait and will not try-A bird with wings who dares not rise and fly."--A.A. Milne

We have choices, tonight we relished in the beauty of making the "right" one.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Multi-Family Yard Sale to Raising Money for Japan

Japan is and will continue to be suffering through the catatrsophic tsunami they were recently hit by. Our family felt compelled to raise money to send to Japan in an effort to reach across the globe to our brothers and sisters whom are in a great deal of need right now. We asked our friends and community to help us by way of donations to a yard sale. Our children and a few of their friends asked to sale baked goods, O.J., action figures made of recycled treasures, and jewelry as their very own contributions (Thank you Ferdolage Boys and Ferdolage Parents!). PLEASE if you can drop by and simply say hello, grab a wonderful yummy baked breakfast, or pick up a few treasures. We are going to donate through Red Cross and hope to make a decent dent in our monetary donation.

THANK YOU and Hoping to see many of you bright and early tomorrow (April 9, 2011) :)7:30am -???

275 West Harrison Avenue

Ventura, Ca. 93001

805 220-8184

P.S. to anyone and everyone whom you might think want to come by!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Somtimes Shedding a Few Tears is What Renews My Strength

I sit in the living room after sharing news with my mom about an interview my hubby recently had, tears are streaming down my face. I fell apart mid sentence while trying to tell her that although he GOT the job, it is about half of what he was currently making when I started crying and yelling like a blubbering idiot. (During the interview Jason had been told it was within $7-$3 of his last pay.) As the tears turned into sobs, I felt myself unwinding faster than I could think over what I was spewing out of my mouth. My mom does not let me fall too far in my pity party, she screams back at me that I cannot fall apart, I cannot give up, I have to stay strong for our children, for my family, for myself. Honestly, in that moment nothing mattered, all I wanted was for all of the pain and recent frustrations to go away. I did not want to feel and I did not want to have any responsibilities. I am telling you total crazy moment right there. My mom did not let me get a word in edge wise as she recited to me all of the things we have to be grateful for. As I patiently listened to her and reminded myself over and over that she was right, as she is always right, I could not believe that she was even capable of being there for me. Her husband passed away just over a month ago, she is alone, she is mourning, and yet she has the capacity to be there for me. But that is what us mom's do. A friend of mine was sharing with me that another mom had told her she could not believe I was able to do this and that and the other so soon after my father passing away. I laughed and said many of you say I am strong, but I am not out of the ordinary, this is just what a mother does. I am pretty sure she kinda sorta laughed me off. But, see friend it is true!!! Another friend came over for a tad today. Her father passed away just over a week ago and she is feeling that numbness that comes after a loved one passes. She was sharing with me that she wanted to cry at the drop of a pin like her mother, brother, and husband were. "It is being a mom," I tell her, "We have kids whom consume us all day, by the time they are sleeping, we are too tired to grieve properly." I am learning that keeping busy has prolonged what I envisioned my process would be. I thought I would be a basket case and I even think I thought one needed to be to properly grieve. I guarantee you, being a basket case is not needed to grieve and it does not feel so hot. So, I think I will hop back on the train to normalcy right now. I shared with my friend that I too felt very numb in the beginning and it was not until just a few days ago when I began to really feel an emptiness, a void, that no one can fill, because he (my father) is not coming back. While tears continue to fall down my face, I know a half and hour later that my tears are not ALL about "perfect" employment hopes, but hopes being diminished in the grand scheme of our lives. A father passing is a grand scheme and the grieving process is an unavoidable part of that scheme. My husband will be gainfully employed sooner than later and right now this will be sufficient. It is true, we have A LOT to be grateful for, we have a roof over our heads, we have four healthy children, we are healthy, we have full cupboards, we have family that will not allow us to fall too hard, and my hubby has a JOB. He is employed and right now that is a blessing. Of course I want to be strong for my children, for my family, for myself, most of the time I am. But, once in awhile my pity rears it's ugly head and tears stream down my face, and I am unable to get hold of myself till I lay my head upon my pillow, where the still darkness brings peace over me and I am able to see the beauty in this journey after all. And this is when I know I will be waking up to better tomorrow. P.S. Hey friend I guess it is a bit of strength. But, I must say all us momma's have it in us. xoxoxo

Friday, April 1, 2011

Everything Happens for a Reason and This is Where Perception Comes In

"Live today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Just today. Inhabit your moments. Don't rent them out to tomorrow." Jerry Spinelli

I miss this man! I talk to him everyday, more than I would like to admit. I tell him all of the things I would have taken the time to have shared with him if he was still here and I ramble on and on about all of the things I would be telling him during our daily phone calls if he were still here.

In one foul swoop our family said, "Good bye" to our patriarch, and my husband was informed the company he was working for would be closing after he finished up the last 2 jobs they already had on board.

42 days has passed. We are learning to stay present, focus on what we do have, and take life minute by minute.

Change brings change, one cannot be found without the other, they are the inseparable friends.

So, change it is, was, and will continue to be.

We decided after much contemplation it was time to say, "Good bye", to our Mini-van of 12 years yesterday. I remember the day my father brought "Bertha" home. My mom and I were in utter astonishment, we did not want to be driving around the "Soccer Mom Van". Goodness looking back, I think a "Thank You" was in order, not a "What the hell is that thing you want me to drive around?". Ok, so I was a total spoiled brat, we got that out of the way. "Bertha" was good to us, she was good to us and she will be good to her new family. She became a member of our family, a part of our memories.

Change is good, it allows us to make room for more positive space in our lives.

Their will be a later blog post on our new ride. We are still working our a few kinks in it, though it is one pimpin' gold gettup. Just sayin'!

We can learn a lot from the different twists and turns our journeys take. But, than there are the few pieces that keep us unique and true to ourselves. In the end it did not and does not matter what kind of car we drive, the car does not define us. We should probably be using a horse and cart rather than driving cars anyway.

We define ourselves through our daily actions, voices, and reactions.

As our week came to a close, we were all feeling really good, the most positive we had felt in awhile. We woke on Friday ready to hand Bertha's keys over to her new family, attend piano lessons, acting lessons, and Temple for our very first time.

My father was raised in the temple. My siblings and I are the only 3 in our immediate and extended family that were not raised religiously. I know this is a touchy subject, so please bear with me. In my fathers last few weeks, he began sharing stories about the Jewish religion with my children. I was amazed at how much my son's interest grew from these few seeds my father had planted. In the few days my family and I planned my father's funeral, seeds became planted in me, and in the past few weeks they yearned to be watered.

So, we watered our seeds by attending Temple for our first time. I asked the kids to take showers and dress in something other than jeans and t-shirts. I was speechless when Lillitha grabbed hold of the very dress she wore to my father's funeral. I could not believe how very fitting this was. True to herself, my littlest followed her big sister's lead.

I will be honest with you, I was having a lot of apprehension about attending a place I had never been alone with 4 kids. Umm...yeah, I was over thinking it and trying to come up with some legitimate excuse to duck out. My heart did not lead me astray, mid-afternoon, I picked up the phone and called the Temple to double check that it was indeed family night.

I kid you not, not only was it family night, but Pink's Hot Dogs catered the dinner following the family services. Upon hearing this, there was not a single thing that would be stopping us from attending Temple last night.

Bear with me just one more time, please. My dad went to school and hung out with the owner of Pink's Hot Dogs at Fairfax High. He used to share stories with all of us about Pink's. I remember him being so excited to take me there for the first time, I was in shock that he was wiling to wait on the astronomical line, as he always strayed far away from them. He loved Pink's, loved it, loved it!!!

It was unbelievably obvious that I was supposed to be attending temple with my children last night.

The point is, is that we are right where we are supposed to be, doing all of the things we are supposed to be doing. My father is still here with us, even if he is not, and we sure are receiving blessings based on his behalf. If I am not mistaken, he may very well be cahoots with whomever is watching over us upstairs.

Maybe that is all a little far fetched, but really what I truly mean is that things are falling into place, everything happens for a reason, sometimes things happen that can easily be perceived as bad, but that is all perception. My husband losing his job was a beautiful wake up call. Losing my father is like losing apart of myself, but I am finding way to keep him alive in my heart. Selling our mini-van to another family is the end of an era for us and a new beginning for them. Life is cyclical and we coming around the bend.

"Nothing comes from without. All things come from within." Neville Goddard