Sometimes I "know" things, well probably all of the time, if I were to always pay close enough attention. Than there are the times where I am screaming at me with a knowing. If I were perfect, I would always listen to me and what I "know", but I am not. Sometimes, I choose to ignore what I "know", unfortunately even when it is screaming at me. My mom used to "know" things just because she was my mom, she would share her "knowings" with me, and of course being me, I would ignore her. ALWAYS, seriously, ALWAYS to learn later that she was right. You would think I would learn to listen to myself and well, my mom, but like I said I am not perfect. Not only am I not perfect, but I think I am beginning to think I am drawn to learning the hard way.
I am so over the hard way! 100% completely over it!!! I am in route to the easy way, things are going to be easier beginning today, because there is no other choice. With easy will come better days. I do not expect to not have sadness, heartache, and frustrations ever, without these we would not know how to truly enjoy the blessings. I am just looking for a reprieve from the self inflicted chaos.
We make choices, each of us in our family of 6. Every single choice each of us makes affects ALL 6 of us. My husband and I have a responsibility to model positive behavior for our children. Not only that but, I feel it is our due diligence to create a house full of blessings for our family. The past has shown that by straying from my instincts we have not done so. I must listen to myself and not stray, because as the story goes, I know myself better than anyone else. My instincts are strong, in hindsight they are usually right on, and if that is not enough of a push to begin listening to myself than I do not know what is.
It is hard to ignore the outside noise and walk my own walk. But today, is the day, when I will begin this journey and do as me heart tells me.
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