Sunday, January 9, 2011

Happy Birth Day

This weekend as been a whirlwind. It began with birthday celebrations and ended with birthday celebrations. There were a few unfortunate interruptions, but all is well that ends well. Tonight I share with you one of the biggest joys in our lives, the Birth Story of Our Son. It has taken me 7 years to write this and many weeks of reminiscing 7 years ago today.

Two very important boys in my life share a Birthday today. One being my son and the other being my best friends son. Seven years ago yesterday my one and only son decided to begin his journey into this world. After settling our daughter at a friends house and arriving at the hospital, we called my friend. It just so happened that she was moving back to Fresno and was in town taking care of moving stuff I believe. By the time she arrived I was feeling very unsettled as things were not progressing as I felt they should have been. Yes, yes, I know labor is not the same (I do have 4 kiddos), but my heart was telling me things were not "right". Not one nurse but three nurses came into to do a cervical check and discuss what part of my babe they were feeling. Thank goodness our dear friend was there, because she spoke up and said, "Why do you not just call her in Dr. if you are concerned?". Shortly thereafter our Dr. arrived and he used an ultrasound to show us our little guy was presenting with an elbow. As far as he was concerned this was completely impossible for a natural birth. I did a bit of pleading, as much as I could after they began pumping me full of solutions to prep me for a cesarean, but got no where, as he was adamant a natural birth was not happening. My pleading ended as my eyelids became so heavy I could not lift them. I feel like I may have slept for a bit, but not sure.

The anesthesiologist came in and asked protocol questions in preparation for our cesarean delivery. He had been sleeping and was quite possibly still sleeping while talking to me as my friend interjected at one point to let us know he was repeating himself. Maybe I was not answering the questions the same either. I dunno but she was sure he was just as loopy as I was and was feeling rather worried about him administering the anesthesia to me. SCARY!!! Off I was being wheeled, all by myself, my husband was in the room with our friend until they made the first cut according to hospital protocol. I do remember finding it comforting that he was in the room with our friend, although I would have preferred they had both been with me. I have vivid memories of feeling scared, alone, stressed, a whole lot of negative emotions.
I could not grasp that I would be meeting my son for the very first time. It was absolutely terrible!!!
The anaesthesia was administered when I immediately felt my eyeballs roll to the back of my head and heard my Dr. yelling my name over and over again. I kept trying to open my eyes and focus on my Dr. to tell him I was ok, but I could not do anything...when all of a sudden I was ok. I suppose the anesthesiologist administered something to reverse the effects that were causing this to happen. As you can imagine all I remember thinking to myself was I cannot die, but I am going to die, oh my goodness I wanted to run away, far, far away, the last place I wanted to be was on that table delivering my son. I could not make sense of any of it and it just seemed to keep getting worse and worse.
What I realize now looking back is that I was not connecting that all of this was going to bring me my son. With my three other births I was very aware that all of the pain was bringing my child, for some reason I was totally focused on me and what was happening to me. My memory is very ego centered regarding this birth. I would like to think this has something to do with the fact that I had a 5 year old that needed her mommy and subconsciously believed that this being within me needed a mommy too. I was never scared and I cannot remember any negative feelings regarding my unborn child. I truly believe I knew he was ok the entire time. Therefore it would make sense that I was freaking out about myself, because I obviously did not know that I was ok.
We waited a few minutes when the my Dr. announced they were ready to make the first cut. I began yelling at him like a crazy person because I was 100% sure that I was going to feel it. I had never had surgery before and did not realize that even though I could move my toes it did not mean I could feel. So, the Dr.s and I argued back and forth for about 5 minutes about whether or not I would feel them cut me. I repeated over and over, "Do not cut, do not cut me, I am going to feel it." Finally the second Dr. asked me if i could feel him pinching me. When I replied, "No, you are not pinching me.", I came around to allowing them to begin. There it began , our cesarean bringing our son into our arms. My husband was escorted in by a nurse. Once he arrived he never stopped looking into my eyes. We did not speak, he held my hand and stared straight into my eyes. I was being jostled around a lot and felt a lot of tugging. At one point I was sure that my Dr. was laying on top of me to brace himself while pulling out our little guy. Towards the end of the cesarean I felt almost sea sick. Our son was brought to us for a peek after they delivered him. I immediately ordered my husband to follow him wherever he went and never take his eyes off of him.
There I was again in that white sterile room alone again. After being sewn up and most of the staff left the room, it was just 2 nursed and myself. The nurses would not stop talking about what they had done the night before while counting rags and utensils making sure nothing had been sewn up in me. Can you imagine? Thank goodness this was not the case! The nurses needed to move me from the surgical bed to the recovery bed and while doing so, the nurse moving my feet dropped them. I was totally numb from my waist down so there was nothing I could do but think that I was falling slowly ever so slowly to the floor. She was kind enough to left them back up before I hit hard. Once in recovery, my friend joined me and began to be my voice again, as I seemed to had lost it. She was wonderful, I had not held my son yet and was not going to be able to unless I could wiggle my toes. She stood by me and encouraged me and spoke to the recovery nurse encouraging her to bring me my son.
My husband brought me our son and we met him for the first time together.
We felt forever blessed that our dear friend just happened to be in town when our labor began 7 years ago yesterday and she was able to stand by is throughout our journey in bringing our son into this world. She had delivered her first son via cesarean and shared her story with me, it was a huge comfort in knowing that she understood with much empathy what we were going through.

Three years later she called me asking that I come over because she was in labor with her 3rd son. This was the first time I was blessed with seeing a fellow woman give birth. By this time I had delivered my 3rd child at home, but seeing another woman give birth is absolutely the most amazing, beautiful, emotional event I have witnessed thus far. Happy Birthday H.J.F!

Every year on January 9, I celebrate my son's birth and my friend's son's birth. I reminisce these events throughout the days leading up to this very day and celebrate big in my heart.
My son transformed me in more ways than I can list and made me dig deeper within myself than I ever had to learn. I should have known that this was to be beginning with his grand entrance into our lives.

Happy Birthday Nishan Bernard Hill...and many more to come!

1 comment:

Tawnya said...

That last picture is FANTASTIC!! I'm so glad we were together on both of those January 9ths :) I'll be apologizing to Nish for the rest of my life for stealing his birthday thunder, though ;) Thanks for sharing your story. Good memories of our infancy as mamas! We did good, girl <3